It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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