Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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