I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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