just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
