It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
