Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
