a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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