the condom got lost in my hair
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
