Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
