hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
