Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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