I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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