I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
