I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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