so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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