I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
