ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
