I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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