at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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