and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
