If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i think we sleep fucked last night...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You don't make any sense
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