1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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