I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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