so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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