he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
