i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
