we're chasing vodka with high fives
im holly from the hills drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
