The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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