I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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