I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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