This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize