Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
