I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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