If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
