I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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