Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
