Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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