he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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