im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
