nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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