Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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