Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
