Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
