I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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