He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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