I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
