Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
