9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
