I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
