dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
