Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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