break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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