Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
