i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
