Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
