Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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