i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
