you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
