I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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