Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize