if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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