i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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