Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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